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September 11, 2012

Nervousness and other thoughts

Sunday was our first day of fieldwork at Our Savior in Fenton, which also happened to coincide with the congregation's 50th Anniversary celebration. This meant that several more people were in attendance that day so we sat in the first pew. We were introduced to 307 individuals and it was quite overwhelming. Add the nerves from starting at a new congregation and it's very scary. The anniversary celebration was very nice to be a part of (the newest part as our emcee reminded us throughout the event). We even got to eat lunch with Rev. Dr. Mirly, the Missouri District LCMS President. I was heartbroken to leave behind the family we had found at Mount Calvary. The hurt is still so new that it may take a while to form some lasting relationships at Our Savior. While I will still be attending Bible Study at Mount Calvary, I won't be as part of the church as I once was. I'm very sad about that. I know God is in the tears but that is hard to remember sometimes.

Other nerves: I will be auditioning for the St. Louis Community Orchestra soon. I've received the audition material and contacted the coordinator to set up an audition. This means I have to start practicing again.

Still other nervousness: At my suggestion, Timothy and I signed up for our first 10k, so on October 14 at 8:00 a.m. we will be racing, albeit in Halloween costume. We haven't been training like we should have been which will make this harder. I hope we didn't sign up for more than we can handle.

Mount Calvary revisited: I'm still not sure what to think about this situation. It hurts to know that we will not be with the people we have come to know and love. But at the same time, we will be welcomed into a new congregation. It hurts that we didn't get to say good bye or explain to them why we would no longer be attending church there. Timothy got it right when he said it feels like our hearts were ripped right out of our chest. While I'm no stranger to leaving churches, this has usually come with moving states as well so I was prepared for the change. This is the first time an authority is telling me that I cannot attend my church home while still being in the same location. I know there will be lots of this (as in, following directions) in the seminary (including the call process) but I feel very much on the outside of this decision. I know not everyone can be placed at the church they want to be at and even our wishes are often times not God's plan. I'm still not sure how to process this decision from the seminary and even more uncertain with how to handle it.

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